There has been a lot on my mind and although my words won’t matter to some, I have decided to speak my mind because some may actually receive what I say. I truly believe death and life are in the power of our tongues. For this reason, I have few words but when I do speak, I choose to speak life other everything situation.
These past few months have been different for us all. Some have lost jobs, vacations, academic hours and many opportunities but what we all have in common is lost time. But, is it all truly lost? Time happens whether you care to admit or not, yet it is what we do with it that matters most. Lately, I have been struggling to manage all of this “spare” time I have. As soon as we were walled with quarantine or social distancing, I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish. Some things were checked off while the others were merely a figment of my imagination. Oh, the cursed checklist! But when I take a step back and see the bigger picture, everything I planned out wasn’t in my control, to begin with. God is the Timekeeper, the Scorekeeper, the clock that holds all time in His hands. So with that being said, He has given me the time to reflect and go back to my first love which is Him.
Studying was something I did a lot of when my children were smaller. Now they are all independent in their own way, whether it’d be danced, chores, art, this momma is bounced all over the place physically and mentally. January 1, 2020, I have been consistent with my studying and reading God’s Word. I have found a new revelation that I must have overlooked in my reading in the past that has shed new light on my current needs spiritually. I am floored to know that even in my overlooking that God kindly takes me back to His promises. Some days, I am not always timely with my studying, I always
find make time for Him.
Life happened around the world and you can’t help but see it no matter what you do to avoid it, it stares you in the face. I tried to fix my eyes on Jesus yet I’m faced with situations out of my control. As a mom, I always try to fix things or make things work, but this thing called life, just can’t be fixed with my own hands. I have been challenged to pray and to write. Like Esther, maybe I built for such a time as this. -Esther 4:14
One day, while my family was doing a major clean up in our home, I stumbled across an old prayer journal from 2004. Back then, I was challenged by a loved one to write every day for the entire month of December. To be honest, I have completely forgotten that I ever did such a thing. Each page I read, the tears started to form but I did allow myself to cry. I was overwhelmed reading all of my 18-year-old concerns and prayers, my questions, and declarations BUT I am grateful for stumbling because I can acknowledge and testify that God hears us when we pray, He sees our tears, He reads our heart and tends to our troubles. I am grateful. I see His promises being fulfilled and I also see the things I thought I needed, some of the prayers I didn’t fit what He had planned for my life. I am so grateful I didn’t get what I thought I deserved. How awesome is that?! Time did that! Although it may have taken me 16 years to see it clearly, I am grateful that the Timekeeper holds it all together.
Self-reflection is so important today. So much around the world is happening because the core of our thoughts is selfishly motivated and vain. When you see your faults, you can own up to them and change. To be comfortable with change, there’s has to be some maturity to accept it and grow into it. I’m still growing, I am still feeding. No one truly finishes this stage to the very end, so keep learning and keep writing. With time, you will see how much you’ve changed. One of my favorite scriptures says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts and see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” -Psalms 139:23-24
I will continue to speak and share my heart during these times.
Until the whole world hears…