Intentional Intimacy: God and Marriage

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived… (Genesis 4:1)

I never knew you; depart from me… (Matthew 7:21-23)

What do these two scriptures mean to you? What do they have in common?

Both relate in regards to intimacy or the lack of.

Relationships are under attack. Godly relationship is under attack. Whether it’d be marriage, friendship or even our walk with Christ. Today’s society is filled with new forms of distraction that can be to blame for our lack of intimacy with our spouses and with God. What you make time for is what’s most important to you; that very thing strips you away from creating relationships and trust with those you hold dear. Let’s look at these distractions and discover ways to avoid them.

• Social Media. DUH!! We all have it in some form or fashion. Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram, BLOGS (well, not mine, but you get it ). We are all consumed with unnecessary information. IT’s filling our minds, changing our thoughts and creating havoc in our relationships. How many of us can admit to opening an app first thing in the morning or right before bed at night? I think we are all guilty. Even if it’s for 10 minutes, that time could have been used wisely by conversing with our spouse, tidying the house or even reading the bible. What did we do before the break of social media? I do know we were more engaged in meaningful conversations with others. Oh to be simple again! Our phones and tablets are breaking us away from real interaction. Real intimacy. 

How to win back intimacy from social media? IT can be easy if you’re dedicated enough. PUT. THE. PHONES. DOWN!! Emails and the news will always be there. Do you actually need it first thing in the morning or before bed? NO! Usually, the things you sit with can disrupt your whole day. We have to be aware of what we consume. All news is not beneficial. PICK. UP. YOUR. BIBLES. As a follower of Christ, I can’t stress this enough. Starting and ending your day masking in His presence is the best thing you can do for your spiritual life and mental health. Cleaning your mind and even your space of unnecessary conversation and information is good for you. Philippians 4:8 reads, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” You can only think about these things if you get rid of stress, disappointment, and comparison that social media provides.

• Busyness. Hustle season is among us. ALL. THE. TIME. We strive for the American Dream. We are hungry for success. We love the applause but we fail to see that at the end of the day, you’re only human. We can’t do it all no matter how hard we push ourselves. We are drained and have time for nothing more. Our lives are void of relationship. Okay, so what you say you’re happily married. But did you ever consider your spouse? Did you ever consider your relationship with Christ? I can’t speak for no one else but myself, but I am sure you can relate. Even though I’m home with my children, I can definitely lose track of time. I am busy teaching and developing my children throughout the day… giving them social freedom in the afternoon and by the end of the day, I’m too tired to spend time with my husband. It was a toll on our marriage. 

Regaining control of my daily life has been a struggle because I want the best for my family without sacrificing my mental health and my relationship with my husband. I’ve learned that tomorrow’s issues can wait for tomorrow to come. If I forget to take the clothes out of the dryer or worst, the washing machine, it would have to wait. I decided not to use my “free evening time” on incomplete morning chores. I am the type to always find work to do after my children are asleep. If the evenings are the only time I have for my husband, I am going to give that to him. If my mornings are available to sit with the Word and journal, guess what? I’m going to give God that time. What we fail to realize, relationships are a gift. We must use our gifts wisely with the time we are given. Our time is not our own so be mindful of what you do with it.

Intimacy requires a conscious intention to make space in our busy lives for the experience. There is, after all, a finite amount of time in each day and intimate experiences do occur in time and space. Unless we recognize the importance of including intimacy in our lives, that is, seeing it as an essential ingredient in the establishment of a high sense of well-being, we will be unlikely to give it the value that it deserves.

If we try to wait for the time of intimacy to occur, we will be waiting for a long time. Intimacy must be initiated. It must be intentional. Intimacy must start with the decision to do. Relationships and intimacy are never one-sided. It benefits all involved and affects many. Adam knew his wife Eve. There’s no knowing without relationship.  Without knowing, you’ll be unknown. 

Spiritual intimacy is even more important. We must be active in our relationship with Christ. It would be a waste of a lifetime to walk this life thinking we’re in a relationship when we’re not. How embarrassing to claim someone openly to be denied? Spend time in His word and get at His feet. This is still a work in progress, yet, it still works. We must put the effort into building lasting relationships. Make time. Make room for God and for your relationship. There’s favor in intimacy. There’s covering provided for covenants. Choose yours wisely.