Posts Tagged

marriage

Intentional Intimacy: God and Marriage
  • April 16, 2019

And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived… (Genesis 4:1)

I never knew you; depart from me… (Matthew 7:21-23)

 

What do these two scriptures mean to you? What do they have in common?

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Fireproof Your Marriage: The Love Dare (Days 21-40)
  • April 29, 2016

Sorry I’ve been M.I.A. but I have been recovering from some recent repairs….long story! Stay tuned for May 6th post!!!

Well, we have some catching up to do! Since my last post on the Love Dare challenge, hubby and I reconciled after a PMs explosion and are on good terms until next time! 🙂

So…. ahem…

 

Day 21: Love is satisfied in God

The Dare: Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible….as you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you.  This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

 

Day 22: Love is faithful

The Dare: Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, “I love you.  Period. I choose to love you even if you don’t love me in return.”

 

Day 23: Love always protects

The Dare: Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that’s stealing your affections or turning your heart away from your spouse.

 

Day 24: Love vs. lust

The Dare: End it now. Remove every object of lust in your life … it must be killed and destroyed – today – and replaced with the sure promise of God and a heart filled with his perfect love.

 

Day 25: Love forgives

The Dare: Whatever you haven’t forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go… unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, “I choose to forgive.”

 

Day 26: Love is responsible

The Dare: Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. Ask for God’s forgiveness, then humble yourself to admit them to your spouse.

 

Day 27: Love encourages

The Dare: Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you’re expecting too much, and tell them you’re sorry for being so hard on them about it … promise them you’ll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

 

Day 28: Love makes sacrifices

The Dare: What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse’s life right now? Purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

 

Day 29: Love’s motivation

The Dare: Before seeing your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you, say “I love you” then express love to them in some tangible way. Then thank God for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person unconditionally.

 

Day 30: Love brings unity

The Dare: Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that he will do the same for them.

 

Day 31: Love and marriage

The Dare: If there is an issue about the biblical command to “leave” your parents, confess it to your spouse and resolve to make it right. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage your priority over any other human relationship.

 

Day 32: Love meets sexual needs

The Dare: Initiate sex with your spouse today. Do it in a way that honors what your spouse needs from you. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you.

 

Day 33: Love completes each other

The Dare: Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today you desire them to be included in your upcoming decisions and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you’ve ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask for forgiveness.

 

Day 34: Love celebrates godliness

The Dare: Find a recent example when your spouse demonstrated Christian character in a noticeable way, and verbally commend them for this.

 

Day 35: Love is accountable

The Dare: Find a marriage mentor—someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel counseling is needed, make the appointment.

 

Day 36: Love is God’s Word

The Dare: Commit to reading the Bible every day…If your spouse is willing, see if they will commit to daily Bible reading with you. Begin submitting each area of your life to its guidance and start building on the rock.

 

Day 37: Love agrees in prayer

The Dare: Ask your spouse if you can begin praying together.

 

Day 38: Love fulfills dreams

The Dare: Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.

 

Day 39: Love endures

The Dare: Spend some time in personal prayer, then write a letter of commitment and resolve to your spouse. Include why you are committing to this marriage until death, and that you have purposed to love them no matter what.

 

Day 40: Love is a covenant

The Dare: Write out a renewal of your vows and place them in your home. If appropriate, you can make arrangements to formally renew your wedding vows before a minister and with family present. Make it a living testament to the value of marriage in God’s eyes and the high honor of being one with your mate.

 

The last days of this challenge focused on intimacy, not only physically but spiritually as well. When you invite Jesus into your marriage, something miraculous happens…. You’ll find joy, peace and confidence in your relationship. Knowing God and His order will help you know just how much each other’s role is in the marriage. When you know your role, you can focus on your strengths and together can work out the fine details into making your Godly marriage work for you. God’s Word is the structure/foundation to a honorable marriage. Trust His Word and live it out daily and watch the Lord do the rest. God wants to use us to prove His Word when it says “what God joins together, let no man put usunder.”

Fireproof Your Marriage: The Love Dare (Days 13-20)
  • April 11, 2016

Back to our regularly schedule posts! Last week was my 30th birthday and I just had to share the 30 things I’ve learned…but this week I am back to the 40 day Love Dare Challenge!

This week, I will recap Days 13 through 20. Now I have to admit, my Crimson friend arrived and she had my emotions all over the place! My husband caught the backend to it and I have been apologizing to him since Saturday!! But, let’s see what we SHOULD have learned this past week!

 

Day 13: Love fights fair

The Dare: Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement….resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Obviously, Day 13 was a complete fail this week! I am learning to deal rationally while my Crimson friend is in town. I’ve been doing better but there is always room for improvement.

Day 14: Love takes delight

The Dare: Purposely neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.

This is actually funny to me because after our little spat, I’ve been trying to become more delightful and graceful to my husband. I blame Eve!!

Day 15: Love is honorable

The Dare: Choose a way to honor and respect your spouse that is above your normal routine…show your spouse that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

A nice foot rub can put a smile on anyone’s face and doing so without your spouse asking is both surprising and honorable (especially after a fight!) Obviously, I’ve been rubbing feet all week!!

Day 16: Love intercedes

The Dare: Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart.

I pray for my husband daily..even multiple times a day. Working outside of the home can be stressful for your spouse so go before God for them, it means more than you think!

Day 17: Love promotes intimacy

The Dare: Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

Intimacy is way more than sex. Intimacy is how you guard your husband’s heart and emotions. I’ve learned that even though my husband can be thick-skinned, he longs to be heard and feel wanted. Intimacy begins with a positive morning (for you non-morning people) and throughout the day!

Day 18: Love seeks to understand

The Dare: Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

Everyday I learn something new about my husband. Whether we want to admit it, we change quite often. Our standards indeed remain the same, but we may go about it a different way. communicating these differences and emotions matters in a marriage. I’m still learning to include my husband in my deepest thoughts even if its not that deep to him or vice versa!

Day 19: Love is impossible

The Dare: Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

 

Day 20: Love is Jesus Christ

The Dare: Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, “Lord Jesus, I am a sinner. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by your grace.”

 

Wow!! Day 20 gives us the opportunity to get it right…do our first works over. Learning the source and example of true intimacy and relationship gives us all a foundation in our marriage. Have you repented for your shortcomings? As Paul states, we must die daily!

 

Ok people!! 20 days remain in the challenge!! Let’s do this!!

 

Fireproof Your Marriage: The Love Dare (Days 6-12)
  • April 1, 2016

We are into the next phase of the challenge? What did you learn this past week?!?!

 

Well, I’ve learned that men need encouragement and compliments as much as we do despite the fact that they’re men and won’t admit it!

Let’s look at days 6-12!

Day 6: Love is not irritable

The Dare: Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margins to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.

Now I know I’m not the only one who thinks they can be quite a bother. We (women) can be a bit petty when it comes to certain situations, but this challenge focuses on trying to tame it. How we react to things will make or break a conversation or even relationship. Choose wisely!

 

Day 7: Love believes the best

The Dare: On one sheet of paper, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on a second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day … at some point during the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.

Choosing to speak and think positively is usually easier said than done. We have to be positive to gain positive results.

 

Day 8: Love is not jealous

The Dare: Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

For me, it is easy to become my husband’s biggest fan. I’ve realized the importance of support in marriage. Even if I don’t quite understand my husbands calling or hobby, I will support him to the fullest because I am confident that the Lord is leading him.

 

Day 9: Love makes good impressions

The Dare: Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.

Ummm…. I think you know how the normal wife will greet their husband…not need to go further!

 

Day 10: Love is unconditional

The Dare: Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse—something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else….demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

Love is a verb! In what ways do you show your love? Mine will be baking my husband his favorite dessert!

 

Day 11: Love cherishes

The Dare: Choose a gesture that says, “I cherish you” and do it with a smile.

 

Day 12: Love lets others win

The Dare: Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

You don’t always have to be right..just let go and love!!

 

Are you taking to challenge?!

 

 

 

 

Fireproof Challenge: The Love Dare (Days 1- 5)
  • March 25, 2016

It’s Spring!!! Flowers are blooming…Earth is awaken and refreshed!! So.. this is the perfect opportunity to awaken and revive our marriages! With so many diseased relationships, it is time to remedy them with a interactive challenge. The Love Dare Challenge!! Now, we can discuss all the mess we see in social media concerning marriages, but why spend our focus and time on the obvious and make that time useful in building marriages?!?

 

If you are not familiar with the Love Dare, well, it was made popular by a Christian movie called, Fireproof.

In the movie FIREPROOF, The Love Dare covers the topics of relationship parasites (addictions like pornography and gambling) and unconditional love. The Love Dare devotional book expands and extends the topics addressed in the film’s plot to include such vital issues as:

  • Why Marriage? Explore the blessings and challenges of godly marriage.
  • Contract or Covenant? Examine the difference between the world’s design for marriage and God’s original intention.
  • Clean Fighting. Learn how to fight the fires of conflict effectively and respectfully.
  • Leading Your Heart, Instead of Vice Versa. Practice choosing love when it isn’t your instinctive response.

(Click HERE to purchase the book)

 

This week (Monday through Friday) the focus was as follows:

Day 1-  do not say anything negative to your spouse. Great or small. We tend to nag or complain without thought and much of the time, it is miserable to always assume that all your spouse do is speak or think negative about everything. Replace your nagging with compliments….

 

Day 2-  Do an unexpected gesture of kindness. Letting your spouse know you care in the smallest way..whether it’d be washing the car, ironing their clothes or even a note in their lunch will go a long way. I know from experience my husband loves to have me visit him for lunch at his job. It brightens his day!

 

Day 3-  Buy something for your spouse. From a greeting card to a box of chocolate or if you’re fancy, an outfit from his/her favorite store!

 

Day 4- Contact your spouse during the day to check on them. I love to call my husband throughout the day. If you use discernment, you will know when to call them when they need it the most.

 

Day 5- Now this is where it gets a bit hands on…..Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them. Can you do it?!?! After much conversation and care, this will become second nature to just communicate!

 

I’m taking the challenge. Not to say my marriage is in turmoil, it is to say I care and want more out of my relationship… a revival. Same with having a relationship with God, there is always room to grow and know more about the Father. He has so much to reveal to us if we would only commune with Him…God created relationships AKA marriages and they are a reflection ( or should be) of our relationship/intimacy with Him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Material taken from The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick, copyright © 2009 by B&H Publishing Group.

 

 

Dress how you want in Jesus’ Name?!?!??
  • February 19, 2016

Well, looks like the church is riding the fence on this one! Before I share my thoughts about this subject, I will begin with this question from Megan Good that was posted on her Instagram account….

“Why would anyone ever want to be a Christian when you see how they treat each other?”

So…what happened?!?

On a promotional tour of the couples’ new book on abstinence before marriage called “The Wait” on Valentine’s Day, a woman who was apart of the audience had a “question” during the Q & A portion of the meet. This was her comment:

“This is not offensive, but I was at the grocery store and I looked at a newsstand and I saw you, and you had your breast showing,” one woman in the audience said. “So, so, I wasn’t gonna come here, I wasn’t, but the Lord brought me here to see you. You’re beautiful. You are a beautiful young woman, and your testimony is awesome. It’s awesome. Amen. Amen! And the Lord let me come and push past the judgment … because you have to make sure what you say and what you do match up, you understand? So we gonna cover up, right?”

I’m pretty sure everyone’s jaw dropped to hear this, including Meagan Good. Her husband came to her defense as any husband who love their wife would do…but he lost me at “She can wear whatever she want in the Name of Jesus!” Ummm, sir…. Tis not true! The bible speaks clearly about modesty.

“I desire…that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.“ 1 Timothy 2:8-10

While what you wear can speak volumes about you, it can easily be mistaken as well…modesty, I believe, is the state of one’s heart. Perfect example… A young lady comes to church with skin tight clothes and breasts exposed. What is your first thought? Perhaps she’s a prostitute. Maybe, but she came to the church! The church isn’t for perfect people..AND the church isn’t a fashion show. The church is for the lost to be found…the church is for conviction and comfort… if you are apart of the Body of Christ, then you too are the church. In my honest opinion (there wouldn’t be no other way), I believe the audience member was out of line. No way was it acceptable to start off your comment about someone with “This is not offensive”… you shut their ears at the first sentence! God is not out of order and that was completely out of order. I know Meagan Good is human and she professes Christ and by the looks of it (or that was her acting skills at work LOL), but I truly believe she is struggling with the topic anyway. It’s us typical church folk who is quick to judge. No one knows the heart of the person or what they’re truly going through unless you are transparent. But how do you reach someone like Meagan Good? Honestly, I don’t know, but God has people assigned to certain people. The statement the audience member made was quite distasteful especially because she threw God in the mix. GOD IS ALL ABOUT ORDER. But check this out…. look at what Good as on during this engagement and every other church engagement they attend… she’s fully clothed. She knows enough not to wear what she would wear on the Red Carpet or Movie Premieres to the church. Maybe if she had everything out, maybe something should have been said.

Well, back to her husband (Devon Franklin). In every way, he was right to defend his wife and I believe he spoke out of anger. There’s no way he can fix his mouth to believe that his wife can dress how she want IN THE NAME OF JESUS…but in the culture we live in, it just might be okay in his eyes. Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with dressing up for your husband, but there is a place for that as my BFF in my head (Ayesha Curry) stated before.

But in defense to all who is struggling in the heart, God sees you. I was once ridiculed because of what I wore to church. By no means was I revealing, but the color I decided to wear was too much for the saints. I came to church with a red skirt that was pleated in the back…SO FREAKING CUTE…but IT WAS RED! Since when the color red was ungodly? I was highly offended, but because I was secured in my relationship with Jesus, I didn’t let it bother me…but who is to say it won’t bother the next girl who wears red? Or cleavage is revealed? She may turn away from God, never to experience the love He has for her because a “Saint” got to her first.

 

We must examine our motives and think before we speak… Christian or not!

So in closing… LOL… Modesty is not about your clothes only, but about your attitude and behavior. You can be fully dressed, head to pinky toe and be jacked up!

Modesty is about who you worship. Wow!! Deep right?!?! The God we serve is about us reflecting him, being an example… holiness..fruit bearers, seed sowers…being holy in your communication and entertainment.

Modesty is true freedom. Culture sees it as opposite, but when you truly think about it, the world is wrapped around the idea of freedom as self-love and expression as in our body is art, explore it, show it off. True freedom is being sober minded and respectable and not being a sexual nuisance or a slave to sin.

The next time you see a young girl in whom you discern is dealing with matters of the heart, talk to her. Don’t be so quick to condemn her…everyone needs the love of God. Conviction will always cause change, but when you put yourself in it, you’ll take the love and discipline away from the only One who brings change.

All you have to do is be the willing to put your thoughts and opinion of others aside, God will definitely do the rest.

Say Yes to the Dress: 10 years later
  • September 10, 2015

Who would have thought I would be able to fit my wedding dress after 10 years!!??

I was lucky enough to travel to Chicago to grab my only physical memory of our wedding day. My wedding album somehow disappeared but thank God I have my dress in excellent condition!

IMG_1958When trying on my wedding dress a few days ago, my children mouths dropped! They thought it was the prettiest sight! My oldest even said she want to wear the dress when she gets married! Gladly!

So what are my plans for our 10th wedding anniversary? None, really. We will acknowledge God and thank Him for 10 years and keep pressing. This is only the beginning!

SEX and Marriage: The Series Part 1 of 3
  • July 18, 2014

SEX!!!!

A word I thought  I would have never said a few years ago. Yes, I am married with a handful of babies, but you wouldn’t catch me in any such conversation. But, now is a different story! I grew up where no one talked about it, but EVERYONE did “IT”. My eyes have also see things that scarred me, but that is only because it wasn’t shown any respect or class. I am talking about sex. God created sex ONLY for one man and his wife to enjoy and to create. But why are CHRISTIANS so afraid to speak up about it?! Sex was created for married Christians! The world is unafraid and bold when it comes to sexuality, but the people whom sex was created for is silent and embarrassed. Well, not anymore!!

I was 19 years old when I got married and up until recently, I was afraid to engage into conversation about sex, even with my own husband! Sad, I know! There are a lot of people who are stepping into marriage blindly because someone was too embarrassed to be real with them. SEX IS NOT A BAD WORD!! Sex is a very spiritual and submissive act between husband and wife that has been abused by the world AND ignored by the church!

In marriage, sex is for creating but it is also for pleasure. Sex should not be a chore….it should be something you enjoy intimately with you husband or wife. BUT do not expect it to be your only form of expression for your spouse. Have date nights, text each other or write notes! Yes, people still do that…I still do that!… Surprise visits at the job. These small tokens help to enhance your marriage. Intimacy does not begin in the bedroom. Intimacy is a relationship. You can’t KNOW your husband or wife unless you know them. Same with Jesus; He is longing to spend time with you and to know you. You can’t know Him without a relationship!

Speaking of the bible, have you ever sat down and read/listen Song of Solomon? Oh my my!!! Talking about deep! Give it a go! Now i will not give you my interpretation of the book, but I will express ways to create sparks in your relationship with your husband or wife in the next post to this series!

 

Stay tuned!

 

2 Year Blog Anniversary
  • September 19, 2013

Happy Anniversary to me!!! Well to my blog!

I cannot believe it’s been 2 years! I began blogging because I needed an outlet. At the time, my family and I were living in a small RV (recreation vehicle) with a busted ceiling and when it rained it poured! This blog was my rescue and release when I felt like giving up and or complaining. That was our season and God gave me the outlet of blogging.

Two years later, I have grown spiritually and I am much more mature in experiences and in advice giving. I feel that God has given me my obstacles to get someone through theirs or to at least encourage them through it.

Thank you to the faithful few that support my blog. In the future, I will be more consistent in content and will talk about latest topics and trends in marriage, family, children and Christian living. My focus is on the family unit. The family unit is under attack and I am one of the fighters for the sacredness and holiness of family and marriage.

Stay tune for insightful and motivating posts!

 

HP1822

Scandal: Infidelity is Popular?
  • May 21, 2013

What is the most popular thing on television? You guessed it! SCANDAL!!

It all over the popular social networks and the talk of the town! I hear people rooting for this “Olivia Pope” and how her relationship to the President is unbreakable and real. One thing that has me highly offended and bothered is that “Mr. President” is married. What happened to the blessings and favor of marriage? Today’s society has no respect for it and sad to say is that we (Christians) are allowing such damaging content to enter into our homes. The bible clearly states, “ Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them.” (Jeremiah 10:2) The bible also declares, “No man can enter into a strong man’s house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house.” (Mark 3:27)

So why are we so intrigued over lust and infidelity? What are we trying to figure out? Honestly, I tried to see what the fuss was about. I went on Netflix and saw the first episode of the first season and I could not stomach it! Television has motives now. .There is no such thing as wholesome entertainment. Marriage is under attack.

I am a woman and if you know me, you’ll know that I take my role as a wife and mother very seriously. Some may be offended by this but hey!! Women… saved women…whether you’re married or single: YOU ARE TO BLAME! We allowed shows like “Scandal” to play throughout our homes and wonder why you can’t have a committed relationship or a faithful marriage because you are basically expecting your husband or future husband to do what “Mr. President” did to his wife. You want the relationship that he has with Olivia which will send you BOTH to Hell!! Marriage is honorable and to disrespect this sacred covenant and GOD makes me question your “Fruit”.  We are glued to this foolishness! Let me ask you this? Where’s your husbands when you watch this show? And if he’s sitting next to you with a bag of popcorn…smh!

Nothing will come in and dilute my home and marriage. It’s crazy because the same people who will change the channel when that disrespectful little boy, “Caillou” comes on because he will have a negative influence on your child is the same one who watches this show. That is so hypocritical!

Tell me what you think?